Wind on the mat
Human translation from authentic version at "Wind op de mat."Passing wind
Funny as it may be for some, accidentally passing wind during training is no joke. Guard is especially "risky," given how much pressure it puts on your belly. "Oops" or "sorry" are words you'll say afterward, but they won't undo the awkward situation — especially if your partner is the opposite sex. So, especially for you, on April 1st, a few words on how to avoid wind on the mat. Let's start with what a bloated feeling actually is. If you pass wind regularly, it means there's gas in your intestines. Normally, no excess gas should build up in there. That excess is exactly what causes bloating. Gas can build up for a few different reasons: you eat quickly and greedily and swallow air along the way, you drink a lot of carbonated beverages, or you eat food your body struggles to digest. The first two causes are fairly easy to fix. Eat calmly and slowly, and drink beverages without added carbonation. If the problem persists, it's probably down to the third cause. As a test, cut out dairy. 10 grams of lactose from a large glass of milk can produce several liters of gas. Other "culprits" are beans and other legumes, which contain a lot of hard-to-digest carbohydrates, as well as cabbage-family vegetables and onions. If the bloating continues after cutting both milk and beans, drop starches and sugars too. Or maybe you're in the habit of having fruit after a meal, which, sitting in a full stomach, digests more slowly and starts fermenting in your digestive tract, producing gas...
An old lady at the doctor
An old lady comes to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me. My wind never smells and is always very quiet. Honestly, I've already passed gas about 20 times since I've been in your office. You didn't notice, because it's very quiet and doesn't smell at all. The doctor replies:
- I understand, take these pills every day and come back in a week. A week later, the old lady comes back to the office and says:
- Doctor, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my wind, while still quiet, smells absolutely awful....
- Good! - the doctor answers - Now that we've cleared out your nose, we'll deal with your hearing...
